No One Will Ever Have You Again Lyrics

Love songs are where nosotros get our passion, our soul — and virtually of our worst ideas.

Nothing good tin come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.

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Throughout homo history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains accept been scaled, and cracking families take blossomed — all because of a few elementary chords and a melody that inflamed a centre and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other manus, that time you lot told that girl you lot merely started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love vocal. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

"It'southward simply, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.

That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex'south firm? You did that because of a love vocal. And 50 hours of community service after, you're still not dorsum together.

Honey songs are smashing. They brand our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, existent-life man relationships should work.

They're amazing. And then amazing. And as well terrible.

Here are vi love songs that audio romantic but aren't, and ane song that doesn't audio romantic but totally is:

1. "God Merely Knows," past The Beach Boys

You can proceed your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Aid me Rhondas."

When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy tune. A necktie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

I may non always honey you

Merely long as there are stars to a higher place you lot

You never demand to doubt information technology

I'll brand you lot then sure near it

God simply knows what I'd exist without you

If y'all're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Just Knows" on your iPod, yous should really stop and start over.

If you're lazily bumping a embankment ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you demand to rethink the choices that got yous to this point.

If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring information technology with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.

Hippies, likely on their style to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

Information technology's a song that only feels like love. Pure beloved. Young honey. Dearest with a chill, kelp-y vibe.

What could be wrong with that?

Here's why it'south really really, really unromantic:

There'due south nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair equally they fall asleep while yous whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photograph past hatchettebookgroup.biz.

Merely there is such a thing every bit loving someone a skosh too much.

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go along believe me

The world could prove naught to me

So what good would living practise me?

Look, I get it. Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. But good God.

In that location'southward a huge deviation between proverb: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you become." And proverb: "Welp, yous accustomed that chore in Seattle, and then I'chiliad just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and phone call it a life."

But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...

God but knows what I'd be without you

...horror-moving-picture show creepy. Because the reply, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.

That'southward not love. That'southward codependency (to put information technology mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a class of emotional abuse.

Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any human relationship — ane that, by definition, might one day end — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Certain, God may simply know what y'all'd be without her, only God probably also hopes you lot have, I don't know, some hobbies. Accept a yoga form. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.

"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name again?" Photograph past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.

One person cannot be anyone'southward be-all and end-all. It'south besides stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be washed before you tin practise anything else.

No wonder she took that task in Seattle.

2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars

Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song yous've ever heard. But, we don't accept Michael Jackson anymore, and equally tribute acts become, you could exercise a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Look at that face. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.

Here's why the vocal sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what you are

Honey, you're my gilded star

You know you tin can make my wish come true

If you let me treasure you

If yous let me treasure y'all

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an 8th-grade make-out party and yous'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).

Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, appointment night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-withal-passionate frenching.

Laissez passer them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will think yous're weird — but probably even so make out with you.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.

This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo past Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'm OK with that.

Just, hither's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:

Everything near "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes near gender.

"Children, take I ever told you what I shouted at your female parent on the street the starting time time we met?" Photograph past Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things start to go s right from the very beginning:

Requite me your, give me your, give me your attending, baby

I gotta tell you a fiddling something near yourself

Ah yep. Aught screams "respect" quite like a human being lecturing a strange adult female on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."

What could information technology be? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she'southward got something in her teeth? Could information technology be that her nonfiction volume about early on mod German history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther'south bible!" Photo past Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: Information technology's none of those.

You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, y'all're a sexy lady

But you walk around here like y'all wanna be someone else

Oh. It's that she's sexy. Absurd, bro. Very original.

Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, information technology really doesn't bear upon her day-to-twenty-four hours so much that you, a complete stranger, need to shout it at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).

And so what if she does desire to exist someone else? I'd dearest to be someone else! I think being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A adept fashion to spend a three-day weekend.

Sure, there'd be an aligning period... Photo by Eamonn Thousand. McCormack/Getty Images.

And then subsequently, of course, the narrator can't aid himself:

Pretty girl, pretty daughter, pretty daughter, you should be smiling

A girl like yous should never look and then blue.

He respects her so much, he'southward really straight-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to go off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, y'all know, I guess everybody'south got a matter.

Yeah, in the world of "Treasure," a good for you human relationship is an unending stream of a human complimenting a foreign adult female and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."

He then gain to talk to his potential lover similar the earth's creepiest pirate:

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you, you, you are

You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure

Y'all are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are

By this signal, in his listen, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.

I suppose information technology could be worse, though. At least she's not just whatsoever affair.

GIF from "The 2 Towers."

That's ... something, right?

3. "Don't Think Twice, Information technology's All Right," by Bob Dylan

For as long as humans take been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Call up Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going downwards in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photograph by William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Hither's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit down and wonder why, baby

Even you lot don't know by now

And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Look out your window, and I'll be gone

Yous're the reason I'k a-traveling on

But don't recall twice, information technology's all right.

Nail. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest vocal. A powerful vocal. Information technology's the song your older sister played on continuous loop for half-dozen months after her boyfriend left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your loftier school band over to his apartment to jam.

"What timbre are you looking for?" Photograph past Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Sure, it's virtually the end of a relationship, merely it sounds romantic. And at the end of the mean solar day, shouldn't that be enough?

Here'south why it's actually sooooo messed up:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while at that place is no correct way to phone call it quits with someone, when the grit settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went wrong.

It'south non me, Joan. Information technology's you. 100% you lot. Photo past Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It'south your fault."

Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Call back Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, correct? Yous're all like, "Babe, I just take so much unspecified love to give," and she's similar, "Accept out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my middle be enough?" And she'southward like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to exercise is take out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'm gonna get play guitar." So she gets all mad! What did you practice? Why is she trying to change you lot? UGH!

Yous could accept done better, but I don't listen

Yes. Yous practice mind! You heed! You wrote a song about information technology, yous passive-aggressive prick.

You just kinda wasted my precious time

Ah yes. Your time is so precious! Remember well-nigh all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human being partnership when you could accept been futzing around with that dwelling-brew kit.

Yeah, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute you get-go breaking it downward, the bulletin of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister'due south ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Similar your aunt'due south wind chinkle store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Similar your friend's absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying kid support.

"Yous kids want a beer? No one's nether 13, right?" Photo via iStock.

Oh yeah, and the vocal's narrator as well bespeak-bare refers adult female he's leaving every bit:

A child, I'g told

That'southward right. In addition to being a run-of-the-manufactory passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'south also possibly a pedophile.

Even if nosotros are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's non actually a child — which at that place'south no indication it is, only OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly cull an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a brutal, dismissive style is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may be the bespeak.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has ii thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk vocal about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photo by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.

Here's why information technology sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.

'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet aeroplane

To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting abroad on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that'southward somehow notwithstanding folksy and heartbreaking and singable past 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to do!

Oh babe, I hate to get

You come across — he hates to go! He just hates it! Nosotros know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't beloved his partner just that much?

See ya! Photograph by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.

Why indeed?

Hither's why it'south actually not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can simply distract and then much from the fact that the song's primary grapheme is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:

In that location's then many times I've permit you downwardly

So many times I've played effectually

I tell y'all now, they don't hateful a thing

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched solitary while you were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I tuckered our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex activity I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Similar, I had a fantastic time. Only rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"Every bit empty as this bed I just finished having sex activity with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Yeah, when you suspension it downwardly, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming altitude and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all evidence to the contrary.

And for all he claims to exist broken up about having to part from his i and but, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are you Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter most the "terrible" Cibo express salad you lot were forced to choke down as yous sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?

"Life then hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photograph past Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of y'all

Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you

Ah absurd. He'll think nigh her while strumming and making "my dearest is delicate as the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the front end row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

And then he demands:

And then kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to be a form-A sleaze who tin't exist trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to look? To look for him?

And here's the kicker:

When I come up dorsum, I'll bring your wedding ring

Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.

Dissimilar all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, tuckered the family bank account, and just been a general screwup and disappointment.

But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a nuptials band.

I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks dorsum.

v. "When a Human Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge

When you await upwards "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays you the very first line.

Here's why information technology sound very romantic:

When a man loves a woman

Certain, you can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't fifty-fifty come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A Adult female

Closer ... but however no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It's an elemental lyric.

It's a center-shattering lyric.

Information technology's a lyric that demands yous put your dorsum into information technology.

It's perfection.

As long every bit you don't proceed listening.

Here's why the vocal is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Adult female," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.

Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that'due south the way

It ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Support. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no thing how in dear, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.

Plow his back on his best friend if he put her down.

No! Jeez. No. A homo can't put upwards with that kind of isolating beliefs. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole support system erodes out from under him, a human will be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man'south mental health will deteriorate.

I gave you everything I have

Tryin' to hold on to your heartless honey

Baby, please don't care for me bad.

This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." Information technology'south what happens when a man loves a decision-making, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A adult female who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

"It's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.

And that's not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! Nosotros're here for you.

(Side annotation: Lest it get implied, in that location is manner more than than one style for a man to love a adult female. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress up in large, plush true cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a human, I imagine information technology feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, at that place's no 1-size-fits-all love solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Multifariousness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There'due south more than i fashion to skin a cat. A spoonful of saccharide helps the medicine get down.

Information technology doesn't matter if information technology's the right metaphor, every bit long as it'southward a metaphor. Photograph by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Betoken existence: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek aid! You lot can do this! And if you lot ever observe yourself in a like situation, please give these people a call.

6. "All I Wanna Do is Make Dear to You," Heart

Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'south Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would make me desire to bawl my optics out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the cease of a pier.

This song is perfect. You should always exist listening to information technology. If you're non listening to information technology now, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. It's just that of import.

I am singing the telephone book. You are weeping like a tiny babe. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.

So much passion. So much pain. So much pilus.

Here'due south why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a cardinal tribute to the one truthful romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive human being for one night of mind-bravado sex and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to os — but never quite as compellingly ever once more.

They sing:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight

Standing by the road, no umbrella, no glaze

Then I pulled upwardly alongside and I offered him a ride

He accustomed with a smile so we collection for a while

I don't accept to go on considering you know what happens next, and it's awesome.

"I merely sit in this motel. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

Now, here'due south why this song is non romantic at all:

The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to be true. And information technology is. Because it's not an equally loving ,or even as lusty, pairing at all.

It'southward a...

It'southward a...

Well. You know what it is:

Skilful at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are bustling along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, bearding affair should:

I didn't inquire him his name, this lone male child in the rain

Fate, tell me it's right, is this beloved at showtime sight?

Sure, many of united states might hesitate to choice upwardly a foreign leather-jacket-clad man continuing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, only our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you lot gotta go with your gut.

I can respect that.

We made magic that dark

He did everything correct

Great! Seems like information technology was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.

But then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more similar a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a bivouac:

I told him "I am the blossom, you are the seed

We walked in the garden, nosotros planted a tree

Don't try to find me, please don't you lot dare

Only live in my memory, yous'll always exist there"

I'yard non a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "bloom," "seed," "garden," and "tree," all of a sudden hateful wildly dissimilar things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex activity was commencement invented in the early-1970s, nosotros're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

HELLO! Photograph past Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Eatables.

Of grade, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to retrieve, "Peradventure Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

And so it happened one day

We came round the aforementioned fashion

You lot can imagine his surprise

When he saw his own eyes

There are two possibilities here.

One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Metropolis subway advertizing from 9 years ago:

Photo by eyedonation.org.

Or two: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.

I said, "Please, delight understand

Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.

I'm in love with another homo

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no fashion the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not 1 but two lives.

And what he couldn't give me, oh, no

Was the ane little thing that you tin"

A HUMAN LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The all-time you tin say nearly that is that information technology'due south not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should take been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .

Merely ... it's non beautiful. It'due south non romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).

And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this vocal is somehow non the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which... is saying something.

But at that place is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.

A song that does everything correct.

A vocal that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to last.

A song that can double every bit a manual for the ideal human romantic relationship.

And that vocal is...

"Candy Store," past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Hither's why you might exist — OK, nearly definitely are — skeptical:

l Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

Equally catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to dance to, and as cathartic as it can exist to scream in the heart of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.one thousand., there'south no getting around the fact that the vocal begins like this:

I'll take yous to the candy shop

I'll let you lick the lollipop

I'll post that once again, in instance y'all missed some of the nuance:

I'll have you to the candy shop

I'll let you lick the lollipop

Way to take 1 for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At first glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody's thought of a classic love song.

The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The beat is kinda basic. The claw is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Similar watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.

It's not a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's non a song you lot'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'southward certainly not a vocal you lot'd include on the video photo montage you lot fabricated for your grandparents' silvery ceremony.

Information technology'due south just non.

Just it should be.

So here it is. Here'due south why "Candy Shop" past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect human relationship song:

You wanna dorsum that thing upwards or should I button upwards on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission sideslip. It'southward merely been 20 seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it upwards with "Candy Shop."

But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the class of a female person vocalization joining the runway, cutting through the din like a clarion call.

She sings:

I'll take you to the processed shop (yeah)

Boy, one gustation of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll have y'all spendin' all you got (come on)

Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!

Ring the bells! Blindside the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, get! Photograph by liz west/Flickr.

50 Cent himself may not be the world's greatest partner — for example, co-ordinate to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.

But the narrator of "Processed Shop"? He gets it:

You could have information technology your mode, how exercise you desire it?

Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he'south with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to treat you like a breast total of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," ("I'm going to trick yous into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Store" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the globe of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?

It'south whatsoever you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished educational activity you lot 'tour how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... believing about his desires.

But here's the primal thing: the lady on the receiving stop of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this because she says so.

The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are bright cherry-red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly glutinous order floor.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photograph by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we do ...

And where we do ...

The things we do ...

Are just betwixt me and you

No affair how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It will be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If y'all be a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is fundamental to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the instance of "Processed Shop") minutes long.

She may accept a high sexual practice drive, but dude is graciously offering to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might go the distance subsequently all.

And at the terminate of the day, what is a relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.

It'due south like it'due south a race who could go undressed quicker

Again, everybody is having a swell time. And, critically, an as great fourth dimension.

I touch the right spot at the right time

Of course, information technology wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his word, "Processed Shop" guy is at to the lowest degree as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Exercise is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he'southward not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a good partner.

"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It'southward dirty. It's non your grandmother's love song.

Merely when you lot strip away the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," past the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the twenty-four hours, isn't that what a salubrious relationship is all about?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.

So seductive.

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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

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